| UFC 105 - Post Fight Randy Couture Gets The Seniors Special At Denny's |
| 14/November/2009 by JAV |
Sup folks, ya boys are back in the building. We're in between a great block of MMA, with Fedor's fight last weekend, and UFC 106 next weekend, as well as a WEC mixed somewhere in there, and add a splash of Pac Man versus Cotto, HOLY SHEEP SHIT it's a great month to be a fight fan. But let's bring in the focus, and look at this weekends UFC, broadcasting from across the pond. And just to get it out of the way, I got Cotto beating Pac Man by late KO. Too much power and too much body punching from Cotto, and Pac Man biting off..........more
| UFC 104: Hot Brazilian Action Click Here! |
| 23/October/2009 by Cruelty |
This card is a little top-heavy in terms of star power, but there are interesting competetive fights sprinkled throughout. The (heavy) top of the card features #1 LHW vs #4 LHW and a potential #1 HW contender vs an INVADING STAR from the now-defunct IFL. I know you guys were watching IFL and are excited to see Ben Rothwell in the UFC right?!?! Well grab a cup of pee and don your IFL Silverbacks... it's UFC 104 preview bitches!!! I'm so excited that I'm starting it off but... BUT I'm letting JAV have his beloved italics. Kyle Kingsbury over..........more
| UFC 103: It's 2004 LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAAAIINNN |
| 19/September/2009 by Cruelty |
This is a decent UFC card with 3 extra bad fights tacked on! A bunch of guys who made their name in the UFC in the past have now returned because most of the other promotions folded and I guess the Japanese promotions are doing ok without them. They've gotta be bitter that they're not collecting fat smoking-skull-covered paychecks from Afflication, but at least Daddy Warbucks Dana White took back his wayward sons. I'm not sure how relevant they're going to be going forward, but we'll see what these guys have left in the tank. Vladdy, Trigg,..........more
| UFC 102 - HOGAN VS. FLAIR.... THE MMA WAY!! |
| 28/August/2009 by JAV |
Hey now, it's ya boys, JAV and Cruelty, hooking you up with the usual monthly, seems like it's getting bi weekly, UFC picks post. We're looking at 102 this weekend, headlined by two of the best MMA fighters of all time, Randy "Natty" Couture, and Antonio "Big Nog" Nogueira. It's a bit of a "dream" match up for some, but like most of these "dream" match ups, it's about 4 years too late. (E.g. Liddell/Wanderlei, Wanderlei/Franklin, and whenever Fedor/ Brock eventually happens) But we'll take it, considering both guys are coming off KO losses,..........more
| UFC 100: Penis-shaped tattoo vs. Cursive Belly Tattoo |
| 10/July/2009 by Cruelty |
There’s really nothing significant about this card being called UFC 100. It’s a bit of a Hallmark holiday lets face it. UFC had a variety of non-numbered shows that make this anniversary a farse. However, it inspired Zuffa to put together a strong card, so I’m not complaining. The Heavyweight and Welterweight titles are on the line, the Hendo-Bisping pseudo-grudge match is going down, and we get to see Jon Fitch and Yoshi Akiyama show some skills. The undercard features future star Jon Jones and some TUF rejects! We begin with JAV aka Big..........more
| UFC 99 - Wanderlei, KONGO!, & The Return of That Dude That Kicks Hella Hard. |
| 13/June/2009 by JAV |
Sup folks, ya boys are back in the building, together again error free this week! Well, maybe not spelling wise, but whatever. Hey you know what folks, with UFC 100 coming up, I think i'd like to get MAD SAUCY with it & go back to '03 when I gave a shit about banners. So send us a banner, we'll use it & give you props for it. And if it's really good, I maybe may use it MORE THEN ONCE. CRAZY HUH!? So UFC 99 is here, we got a month before what some want to call THE BIGGEST UFC EVAR, let's see what we can do with these picks until then...........more
| UFC 98 |
| 23/May/2009 by JAV |
Here ya go folks. I'd do a witty opening but i'm just not in the mood after having posting issues. So here go the picks. As always i'm italics, & Cruelty isnt. Dave Kaplan over George Roop – Sub Rd 2 In our mandatory TUF Vs. TUF doods fight, I like the pro wrestler wanna be, for no other reason then he let someone bigger then him randomly knock him out while drunk during his TUF run. And he wore wrestling trunks to the special challenge. How can you not love a guy for that? Kaplan with the Scorpion Death Lock for the win. George..........more
| UFC 97 - Anderson Silva Hits Harder Then You |
| 18/April/2009 by JAV |
Sup folks, ya boys are back in the building, ready to hit you over the head with MMA knowledge that you know you love. Can you believe that we're close to UFC 100? 100!!! The fact that neither Cruelty or myself have yet to start getting paid for this is insane. Besides the never ending boobs shots Megan sends us every post. (See I can take a shot at Megan because we all know she doesnt read these.) On to the show. As always, Cruelty gets the copy & paste font, & I get ITALICS MAKE YOU LOOK SMARTER. Let's roll...........more
| UFC 96 - Quinton Jackson Is Still A Funny Black Dude |
| 6/March/2009 by JAV |
Greetings yet again, my people. Ya boys are back to drop knowledge as well as dollar bills for the strippers. We've got UFC 96 this weekend. It's not the best card, & considering what we've got coming up the next few months it isnt much to write about, but we're SOLDIERS LIKE RAMPAGE, so here we go. Cruelty is usual boring & should be visint me while hes in Cali font, while I rock ITALICS because when you're on weed, this is how your thoughts come out. Let's get busy. Aaron Riley over Shane Nelson – Rd 3 JD The..........more
| UFC 95 - Its Free? |
| 21/February/2009 by JAV |
Ya boys are back in the building. I cant speak for Cruelty but I myself have a buck ass nasty hangover from playing Rock Band 2 with my brother last night. Tecate will bring the Billy Idol out of you real quick like. So I guess we have a show to talk about? Sadly, yes, but after so much MMA sweetness recently we gotta get a sour grape every so often eh? A weak card, with a weak main event, shit they almost gotta pay ME to watch this, & I paid to see last weeks Wargods. You know you'd drop $30 to see Tank Abbott knock out some cat! On to the..........more
| UFC 94: GSP - Penn 2... a rematch we actually wanted!!! |
| 30/January/2009 by Cruelty |
I'm not sure what I even need to say about this card. Two of the best fighters of our generation will face eachother when they are both at their best. If you're even vaguely an MMA fan, this is the fight you need to see. I think the UFC knows that the world will be watching, and they're throwing quite a party here. This is a solid card with 5ish great fights, and some rising stars being tested. To celebrate the awesomeness of this card, JAV has decided to write in SUPER EXCITED FOR THE DIAZ BROS italics. I will be writing in a more somber..........more
| UFC 92: Griffin-Evans is the reason for the season |
| 27/December/2008 by Cruelty |
In the proud tradition of great cards on NYE, UFC has hit the mark here. Not date-wise exactly cuz NYE is of course a few days away but who wants to watch MMA on NYE when you're supposed to be out getting wasted? I'm also happy for the distraction because I'm fucking nervous about my beloved Bears and their playoff situation that is unfolding tomorrow. We get 3 main-event quality fights at the top of the card, some evenly matched grappling matches in the middle, and some random heavyweights KOs sprinkled in. I'll be making my picks in the orthodox..........more
| UFC 90 - Giving Chicago Something Else To Bitch About Other Than The Cubs |
| 25/October/2008 by JAV |
We're about 6 hours away from fight time, & I was pretty much gonna bail on this post, but after getting an e-mail from Cruelty with his picks I once again feel OBLIGATED to you fucks, er, loyal readers, so here we go again. We're going top to bottom rather then the usual way, blame Cruelty for not making his picks copy & paste friendly. Ya boy is ITALICS, & Cruelty isnt. Let's roll. Anderson Silva over Patrick Cote - KO Rd 1 I'm not at all sleeping on Cote, but his best chance to win this fight is bang with Silva, & nobody has yet to come out..........more
| UFC 88: Chuck's Thigh is Better |
| 5/September/2008 by Cruelty |
This fight card almost has a theme, my former PrideFC proclivities mean I like themes for fight cards I guess? There are a bunch of fights with young guns facing established talent in a way that we’ll get an interesting snapshot in time. Are Franklin, Hendo, and Chuck still at the top of their games? They’ve all lost titles recently. Elsewhere on the card we’ll see some good international talent that almost makes me think that Dana White MIGHT not hate foreign people as much as we’d thought. There is at least 1 fight on here that I believe..........more
| UFC 87 |
| 8/August/2008 by JAV |
Sup folks, i'm having posting issues, so fuck a funny intro, we go to the picks. As always i'm italics. Ben Saunders over Ryan Thomas - Rd 1 KO I just spent 10 minutes trying to figure out who the fuck Ryan Thomas is and I'm mad at myself for doing it. He might be a blown up 170 pounder, and/or he's just a random guy with an inflated record who beat a bunch of nobodies in shows I never heard of. Ben Saunders sucks but octagon jitters are certainly a factor when one of your recent opponents is 1-27 so Thomas is going to suck more AND gas after..........more
| MEGAFIED MEGA OMEGA MMA UFC/AFFLICTION/DREAM TOURNEY PICKS!! GET OUT UR FUCKIN CHECKBOOK!!! |
| 19/July/2008 by JAV |
Only at ABC do you get them all, in ONE POST!! HOLY GAZOOKAS!! I'm gonna say it now folks, this IS the biggest weekend in MMA, EVER. Ever since Afflicition was suddenly banned from the UFC they have secretly vowed to GET DANA BACK BACKHANDED BITCHSLAP STYLE, & how else to do so by signing the BIGGEST Heavyweight in the world, Fedor, to fight the UFC's former champion? It's a deal Dana could never get done, & now those t-shirt printing go getters one upped Dana!! OR DID THEY?? *Que shock & awe factor* Dana in turned..........more
| PLUS + DRUNK POST NOT FEATURING CRUELTY |
| 12/June/2008 by JAV |
Well, i've had a few bacardi & cherry colas. So fuck you. It's been a minute since we had a good drunk post. So here you go. First off, random wrestling thought that i've been wanting to post about. For the first time in probably 11 years I MISSED a WWE event in Fresno. For one reason, it was a Smackdown taping, & I honestly cant tell you the last time I watched Smackdown. I remember 8 years ago waiting in line like I was buying fucking Wu Tang tickets to see The Rock & DX, & now, I cant tell you whos on smackdown,..........more
| UFC 84 - Ill Will. I Thought Ill Will Was Nas' Dead Homie? |
| 23/May/2008 by JAV |
I know UFC likes to throw around cool one word titles for their shows, but this one truly deserves the title "Legacy". We have three fighters that are part of what could be called a triple main event show, all trying to further (Or keep from further tarnishing) their respective legacy. So for now, let's forget about the newly announced non UFC Affliction card that looks sicker than this card, or the shit card that will take place next month across the pond. Let's enjoy what's at hand! (Then complain on Sunday morning.) As always I got Cruelty reppin'..........more
| UFC 82: Anderson Silva vs Dan Henderson |
| 29/February/2008 by Cruelty |
This card is sick. Names names names. It reminds me of cards from the heyday of Pride where every fight had a fighter you cared about, and the champions competing were considered the best in the world hands down. Dan Henderson and Anderson Silva have been on a collision course for years and some bizarre choices by fighters and management are the only thing keeping them apart. Finally, Zuffa put it together and the two titles will become one like in the bomb-ass Spice Girls song. Since I made the first Spice Girls reference, I get to pick..........more
| UFC 80...... It Could Be Worse? |
| 18/January/2008 by JAV |
Coming off one of the biggest shows in the UFC's history,with two great Main Events, we start the New Year with BJ PENN VS. JOE STEVENSON?? I know there are a ton of BJ nuthuggers(LOW BLOW PEDIGREE ON CRUELTY BAH GAWD!!), but THE MAIN EVENT AFTER LIDDELL/SILVA, ONLY A FIGHT UFC HAS BEEN TRYING TO DO FOR 7 YEARS!! Dana should start the year with the mind state of "Fuck it i'm booking every fight i've wanted to for the past 7 years starting NOW" and throw us UFC 81's co mainer, Nog vs. Sylvia. At least drop the price $10 like Pride used to!! Oh well,..........more
| UFC 79 - WANDERMANIA IS RUNNIN' WILD ON YOU BROTHER!!! With Year End Prizes!! |
| 28/December/2007 by JAV |
Years back (around 4 to be exact, shit we've been doing this for free for way to fucking long) Cruelty & myself wrote about how great a matchup between Chuck Liddell & Wanderlei Silva would be. About how they were the two best stand up guys on the planet, and how if they met at Pride FC's 4 man tourney it had the potential to be match of the century. Of course it didnt happen, then it was promised again, on & off, all types of shit, that brings us to now. I need to be honest, I was not as excited as..........more
| UFC 78: Evans-Bisping Undefeated TUF-winners yay? |
| 16/November/2007 by Cruelty |
The main event is gonna be lame but the undergrad is looking like lots of fun. This card doesn’t have much to do with titles, but there will be some Pride guys debuting, and I guarantee at least 3 great fights. The lightweights will do it up like they always do, and there are some potentially great slugfests elsewhere. We get the next 3 events free, so try not to sweat the price too much and enjoy the fights. JAV will go first with the picks in regular text, and I will follow in italics because it’s Thanksgiving week and this year I’m thankful..........more
| UFC 77: Franklin gets a new face again |
| 19/October/2007 by Cruelty |
With my grad-school program brutally raping me with mid-terms and projects, this violent spectacle sport is coming to the rescue. I can set aside my troubles for a brief 3 hrs and enjoy. My plan is to eat wings and root for all the skinny people like I normally do. SKINNY FOLKS CAN FIGHT OK?! Some good people and some not-so-good people are gonna fight each other and JAV and I are gonna try to figure out which will do more clobbering. Want to read about it? C'mon! Right this way! You'll know JAV by the italics and pro-wrestling references...........more
| UFC 75 Picks, With Cruelty From His Bed, & AWC LIVE From the Reststop!! |
| 7/September/2007 by JAV |
I remember as a kid, talking with my cousins, and imagining how cool it would be if Hulk Hogan, then the WWF champ, wrestled Ric Flair, then the NWA champ. (Or if Freddy Kruger fought Jason, or Michael Myers, thanks for fucking that one up Hollywood!) This then would turn to what if the best WWF guys wrestled the best NWA guys, and we'd argue about this for a while. Eventually, 15 or 20 years later it happened., WWE bought out NWA/WCW and we got our "Title vs. Title" match we always dreamed about, but it wasnt as cool as it should of..........more
| The Mattress Delivery Chronicles: Part 2 - "Axe Wound Man" |
| 25/August/2007 by boognish |
Once again, stressing the reality of this story. I did my best to include all the details that make it such a revolting tale of truth and depravity. There are certain places that can be dreadful to deliver to. Most of them you probably don't know about, because you have to learn about them from experience. It takes some horrific delivery to teach that when you see that specific road on the invoice you're in for a "treat". So let me get all of my apologies out of the way. I am really sorry. I realize that there are bad apples that spoil otherwise..........more
| UFC 73: Stacker II (Electric Boogaloo) |
| 5/July/2007 by Cruelty |
Usually it means huge tits, this time it means a card with a bunch of good fights. STACKED. Maybe you prefer the tits? Well you're on your own in that area cuz JAV and I are here to talk MMA. I wonder how many readers I just lost to boobieblog? Anyway, there has been some debate about which fight is the main event, and it looks like Tito was wrong in assuming it was him. The non-championshsip bouts start with a hot prospect, includes a number of TUF alumni to excite the casual fans, Tito Ortiz to bring out the other casual fans, and finally..........more
| The Ultimate Fighter Finale, StrikeForce, & KIMBO SLICE VS. RAY MERCER ALL LOCKED DOWN IN 1 POST?!?! |
| 21/June/2007 by JAV |
This is kind of an old skool throwback for Cruelty and myself. We havent written a double up post in a while, so here's a early 4th of July Firework UP YOUR ASS!! You've got The Ultimate Fighter Finale, StrikeforceFC, and GFC, KFC, BLT, LMNOP, whatever the fuck the name of the org that has the balls to throw enough cash at both Kimbo Slice, Ray Mercer, and some fruity athletic commision is. And if that aint enough punches to the face for ya, you've got potentially the best boxing match of the year in Hatton vs. Castillo, a fight..........more
| UFC 71 - Chuck vs Rampage II |
| 25/May/2007 by Cruelty |
Millions of American men and women have laid down their lives in defense of our freedom, and I'm happy to say that tomorrow I will honor their memory by eating grilled meat and watching shirtless dudes roll around together in a cage. I recommend you do the same, because Chuck-Rampage has definite FOTY potential. Rampage won the first fight in the Pride 205 Pound tournament, and now he's after Chuck's belt. The undercard features several fights with number-1-contender implications, some TUF alums, and a person named Houston who is probably not..........more
| UFC 70: BAD BLOOD AND BAD TEETH |
| 20/April/2007 by JAV |
Hey now & sup bitches, JAV dusting off the old posting URL to speak the truth to the young black youth. Crazy props to Cruelty for covering the posting part of our picks pretty much all year, but Cruelty fans, sad news, Cruelty went on a MAD coke/mef/Virginia Slims binge and just couldnt muster up enough of his remarkable talent to kick down his picks Cruelty couldnt get to his bookie in time and now won't be typing for 2-4 weeks. Cruelty cant make it, ending our steak of 8 billion consecutive MMA shows picked. (All..........more
| The Mattress Delivery Chronicles: Part 1 - "Parrot Guy" |
| 12/March/2007 by boognish |
First off, I need to stress the importance of the fact that this is in no way exagerated. Seriously, this really happened the way I describe it. Which may account for how it peaks before it ends, but that's beside the point. With that stated, let's get started. I work on a delivery truck. Yes, I know what you're thinking, "My God boognish, you must pull in the ladies left and right!". And it is true, the ladies love a workin' man (just ask Geddy Lee). This particular job, which is part of my working at the family business which I love, allows me..........more
| Pride Second Coming: Is this appropriate wordplay? |
| 23/February/2007 by Cruelty |
Pride's second US card involves some of their best fighters in sorta bizarre match-ups. Not showcase fights, just not the fights you'd expect. The LHW champ is fighting the Welterweight champ, the LW champ is fighting a guy who matches up well with him, and several #1 contenders are involved in fights that would fuck everything up if they lost. There have been shake-ups at the top of Pride USA so maybe the stress is making everyone a little bit crazy. Lil Nog's oopponent was probably hanging around the office hoping to get autographs and got..........more
| My Sperm Works |
| 31/January/2007 by Clyde |
...so last night I get home from work. I go into the bedroom where my wife is getting ready for bed. On my side of the bed, I see a small baby bib. My first thought was, "She bought something for the dog to wear." My wife and I have a running joke about putting clothes on our dog, Georgia. I am staunchly anti-dog clothes, for the record. Anyway, the bib says, "I love my daddy." I laugh, and my wife knows right away I think it's a dog related deal. She goes, "It's not for Georgia." My weed wacker motor of..........more
| UFC 66, Pride Shockwave, and Year End Awards |
| 29/December/2006 by Cruelty |
The UFC’s last offering of 2006 is a good one. A mix of stars from TUF, homegrown talent, and established stars mingle on this card. The results will solidify each fighters position in their weight’s pecking order as we move into 2007. For those of you who haven’t been keeping up with your MMA news, the UFC is going to be a much much bigger company in 2007. They bought the WEC to use as a minor league, and dismantled the WFA piece by piece. Even with a million PPVs, fighters will still have to perform every fight or risk falling down the ranks..........more
| UFC 63 Giant like Silva Picks featuring GUEST POSTS!11 |
| 22/September/2006 by JAV |
Sup? UFC 63 is upon us, and we've got a few guests joining us this time around. LethalWrestling.com's AWC, and SSP lurker TV DOG have decided to join us... IN DEATH OMG AARRMMBAR.JPG. Rather then the usual fight by fight picks, i'm just lumping them all together because, well, I drank alot of Crown last night and just want to throw up all over this keyboard. Fuck you Crown, you tasty devil. On to the picks! TV DOG MATT HUGHES VS. B.J. PENN Yeah, Penn beat Hughes. Big fucking deal. I've watched their last fight six times in..........more
| UFC 62 Yummy Like McFlurry |
| 25/August/2006 by JAV |
HAHA!!! LOOK WHO HAS RETURNED TO THE FRONT PAGE OF DISASTER OF HURRICANE KATRINA LIKE OF DOOM! It's ya boy. So we've got a solid few fights, and a few STINKS LIKE WHERE NEO LIVES fights, but rather then worry about those, let's focus on the LOL content Cruelty (Who's rockin' the ever-so-secksay-boy italics can bring when UNDER THE INFLUENCE OH NOES HAS JAV TURNED A FACE GUY H33L? Before long he'll be huffin' paint cans walking around with sparkly gold shit all over his face, and bumming change for the 2 for $1 COLT 45 HIT YA LIEK FREENEY..........more
| Re: Stephen King/Desperation/Mick Garris/The Guy From Wings/Max Headroom/Nightmares and Dreamscapes |
| 16/July/2006 by NEO |
I've had fucking enough. Really. Those of you who know me, know that I am a Stephen King fanboy. I proudly admit that. I have defended all of his work, including the movies and mini-series that have been adapted from his books, even those that have been universally panned. But... I just can't take it anymore. This is concerning the abomination that was the airing recently of "Desperation" on ABC (the network, not the website, har har). Let me fill you in first on what the story is about. Desperation starts with a married couple driving down..........more
| Pride's like Absolutely like.. CRITICAL Countdown 2006 |
| 29/June/2006 by Cruelty |
The top non-champion heavyweights in the world move forward in this tournament, JAV and I disagree over many of the picks, and I work to weave pop-culture and personally cathartic sharing into my picks. The undercard features some potentially fun fights, if Pride makes time for them on the PPV broadcast. Celebrate America's birthday early by watching foreigners fight as you BBQ. Hopefully you have an office job where you get Monday off so you get shitfaced like I will be. The other option is to be unemployed and just drink everyday regardless...........more
| W0WEE THE ABC HAS EXPLODED WITH FRONTPAGE!@#%^%$ |
| 29/May/2006 by JAV |
Sup bitches. It's ya boy CLYDE SMIF. (DAMMIT I LOVE THAT NAME.) I'm beyond tired. And Cruelty isnt here to carry me. *TEAR DROP FROM UR EYES TELL ME WHY U CRY* And i'm going frontpage STOOPID with it. Deal. Rather than talk about my trip to Mexico, by the way one of if not THE greatest week of my life, i'd rather talk about how FUCKED IN THE INNER ANUS my last weekend was. I just got back from THE GREAT OUTDOORS AKA CAMPING. FUCK CAMPING. FOR REALS FUCK IT. I guess i'ma mutha fucking city slicker. Or a hustla on the go. Out there gettin my propers..........more
| UFC 59: Reality Check THAT YOUR ASS CAN'T CASH |
| 13/April/2006 by Cruelty |
This UFC offering is the first to take place in California, so it will be a landmark of sorts. The main event and co-main event are quality fights worthy of the special occasion. Forrest vs Tito is classic hero vs villain stuff, and Andrei Arlovski and Tim Sylvia II almost guarantees a KO by one of the big guys. I’ve heard California crowds are less-educated, so we’ll see how they handle the rest of the grappler-heavy card. Hopefully some C-list movie stars will show up, and Rogan will have to ask them their opinion on the main event. Dude: "Uh…..........more
| Rancor Episode Five |
| 12/March/2006 by Clyde |
written by Inside Clyde illustrations by Stephen Melkanos at http://www.melkanos.net Episode Five January 29, 2021 -- Two days before the Royal Rumble Happy Birthday, Shane! You see a group of about seventy people are in an “Events” room at the Titan Tower. Shane McMahon has been led here by his sister and brother-in-law, and smiles at the well-wishers. I don’t know what to say, everybody… Hogan cups his hands around his mouth to be heard over the din of noise. Say you’ll sign me to a long-term deal instead of a pay per..........more
| Rancor Episode Two |
| 26/February/2006 by Clyde |
written by Inside Clyde illustrations by Stephen Melkanos at http://www.melkanos.net Episode Two January, 2021 Hell’s bells, Bischoff old man, you look like you’ve seen a ghost! I…it’s just Mr. McMahon that… Vince, Eric, just Vince. You don’t work for me anymore, remember? You see McMahon and Heyman laugh uproariously. The three greatest living minds in wrestling are sitting around a thirty dollar a night motel room playing poker on Heyman’s twenty-five dollar poker set (including chips and genuine green felt for the..........more
| Pride "Festival Of Men" Picks by JAV and Cruelty |
| 30/December/2005 by Cruelty |
The boys in the DSE boardrooms once again opened their checkbooks and got on the phones to put together a great NYE show. This one features 3 championship bouts, 4 Olympic medalists, 2 K-1 champions, a Pancrase champ, and an Abu Dhabi submission wrestling champion. Pride will crown champs in their new Lightweight (160lb) and Welterweight (185lb) divisions. Fedor will kill a fat guy, and JAV will continue to hate on Sakuraba because he still can't deal with another man sharing my heart. It's a fitting end to a great year in MMA. On top of that,..........more
| UFC 56 Preview & Picks |
| 18/November/2005 by JAV |
I hate mailing shit in. But I got a ton of shit going down that i'll talk about at The Porch this weekend. A small spoiler, I gotta damn girlfriend now and its cutting into my fuck off time, I guess thats the price you pay to have sex with a hot girl that speaks only spanish when you bang her out. Enough about me getting laid and you all not. Let's talk MMA. UFC 56 as well as it's been built up is on paper somewhat of a letdown. Other than the two coaches from TUF2 you dont get a big name fighter. Georges St. Pierre (Who I will call GSP from here..........more
| Ultra-Spooky Halloween Horror Movie Round-Up |
| 31/October/2005 by Gorginfoogle |
There is little point to making a list of the ten greatest horror films of all time, because the vast bulk of people out there have more than a passing familiarity with most of the top names. As such, I have attempted to make (for the most part) a list of ten of the more obscure great horror films out there. Hardcore horror buffs will have already seen many of these, granted, but for those of you who aren’t extremely well-versed in the ways of horror movies, here are ten movies you could certainly stand to try out. 1. Hour of the Wolf (1968)..........more
| Let me take you to the movies........... |
| 19/September/2005 by JAV |
Sup bookheads. Your boy back from the shadows, dustin' off the Porch and hittin you with some quick shit. for the simple reason THIS SHIT NEEDS POSTS. FROM YOU ABC WRITERS! not that i'm demanding or anything. OK FUCK MAYBE I AM NOW WHAT?!/ Oh shi phone call hold up. Oh ok no one important. And while i'm on that topic.... Why must people call every fucking phone number available to me when they are trying to get ahold of me for NOTHING. I got one friend that does this constantly, and I want to kill him for this. I mean I wont answer the celly on..........more
| Pride FC Middleweight Grand Prix picks & thoughts |
| 25/August/2005 by JAV |
I wish I could tell you this is packed with one pec jokes. Sadly it's not. The Grand Prix finals is something all MMA fanboys have been waiting for all year. Its a true test of a fighters heart & durability. 2 fucking FIGHTS, in one night, versus two of the best fighters in the world. Throw the most anticipated heavyweight fight perhaps EVER, and you've got yourself a card. Rather then go on about how much better Pride is then UFC for being ballsy enough to put THREE potential Main Event fights on the SAME CARD, i'll just go right into picks, because..........more
| A Breakdown Of Billboard's Top Ten Singles As Of THIS SECOND! |
| 29/July/2005 by JAV |
It's the smooth kid that will run up in ya baby's mutha. Back on the frontpage without Cruelty (BUT NOT FOR LONG!!) and ready to breakdown the Top 10 singles being pumped into the streets. Allow me to have fun if you would. #10 - Fat Joe Feat. Nelly - Get it Poppin' Ugh, we have to start here dont we. Now some of you know i've always been a Joey Crack fan, and i've always tried to run people off the road if I hear Nelly coming out of their speakers. So this at first knuckleballs on me. I kind of WANT to like it, I mean its catchy, right? But..........more
| Everything but the pea soup. |
| 30/June/2005 by Megan |
So my car's possessed. How do I know? I just know, because mothers and car-owners know these things. Want evidence? I've got it. I bought the car last May, as in May of a year ago, so I've had the car just over a year. In that time, I've only driven around town, and have made one trip (last November) to Texas. That's it. While yes, granted, Kansas City is a big-assed town, the point is, I've not worn the hell out of my car. In the winter, because I hate scraping ice, I kept it in the garage. Where I work, it's garaged. I hate driving..........more
| People From Everywhere Watchin Our Show ..... |
| 10/May/2005 by JAV |
Payin top dollar, because they know. When we're on stage, we're in a mutha fucking rage, so Dre, (Word up?) Why dont you get the 12 gauge? Sup chopped hamm ass cats, ya boy JAV back without Cruelty, (Tear) but stillmatic. I miss banners. Even more, I miss KNOWING where the banners are. One of the numerous negs to not having my old comp("The Duster") up, but we run with what we got. So what else in the fuck is new? As for me, i'm fucking JOBLESS for the first time in FORFUCKINGEVER. It partly sucks, cause i'm used to DOING something 8+ hours a..........more
| A Review of The Amityville Horror (2005) |
| 23/April/2005 by Erika |
Ooh! They look like eyes, don't they? No? Oh. Note: There will be extensive and full spoilers herein. I feel like discussing all the silly things in this movie, so if you're actually interested in seeing this "blind," then don't read it. You know, they built the exterior of the above house for the movie and had no interest in actually making it look like the real house. That makes no sense to me. Well, when it's coming from the creators of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake(Michael Bay is just such a selling point!), I guess I shouldn't have..........more
| UP FROM THE 36 CHAMBERZZZ!@#$%^****STARSTAR |
| 18/March/2005 by JAV |
Yep, it's ya boy, dusting the URL off like its the old dusty go to court kicks you have to wear once a year joints. Rather then use the short time I have to search for MMA rumors & EDGE FUCKS LITA LOL @ MATTITUDE gossip, i'd figure i'd drop a line or two for the few dozen heads that may get at this. And if youre DYING for some MMA stuff, i'll drop some at the end of this. I got a few thoughts to drop. So my babys momma gives me baby momma drama that could only happen through a baby momma. Fresh out the joint, and shes at my crib making messes,..........more
| Yet another short story, also finished |
| 27/February/2005 by Rahl |
I think this deserves a Warning, though. This is perhaps the most disturbing thing I've ever written, and I've written some pretty crazy stuff. The weird thing is, I wrote this story with just one word in my mind, the main character's name. The story just flowed out, and I wrote this, a little over 7 pages and 2000 words, in an hour and a half. I guess I've just been full of creativity recently, or something. Anyway, enjoy- to the couple of you that have actually gotten this far. I think its pretty good, and I'm gonna start sending it out..........more
| ABC Presents - Our Lateass Best and Worst of 2004 list! |
| 26/January/2005 by NEO |
Well, it's that time again. Time for us to throw something up on the main page and have hopefully 10 people read it. This is special though. This is out BEST AND WORST OF 2004 list. I bet that REALLY catches on somewhere, because God knows people love these lists. Anyway, if you're interested, here is last year's list, compiled by acclaimed internet celebrity Gorginfoogle and myself. We did it in a "He said, Gorg said" sort of way, and let me just clarify that Gorg is WRONG in everything he said. So, with that out of the way, props go out to JackyO,..........more
| Pride Shockwave Preview - Cruelty's Solo Debut! |
| 30/December/2004 by Cruelty |
Well JAV is apparently AWOL. My guess would that he got his intarweb cut off after some deliquent bills. He is colored after all, and we all know how those people are about paying bills. Speaking of ethnic groups and their stereotypical behavior, the Japs have done it again putting together an amazing fight card for NYE. For the Japanese audience it's an all-day affair, but American's hardly have that kind of attention span so damn this song is cool I wonder who it's by *takes a drink* hmm I should change before I go out tonight..........more
| Review of Alexander, disappointment of the year |
| 26/November/2004 by Erika |
There are spoilers ahead. While it may be silly to say that considering what the film is about, I'm just giving fair warning. The unintentional irony of this film is that Oliver Stone succeeds at proving this tagline isn't true. As a film, Alexander shoots high. It's an ambitious project. I can see, vaguely, fleetingly, that Stone was trying to make something much more than Troy and films like it. It's not supposed to be a battle epic, but an exploration of the life of a great but flawed man, but it fails. Oliver Stone's boldness as a filmmaker..........more
| Penn and Teller's Bullshit |
| 29/October/2004 by FatDJ |
Penn and Teller's Bullshit is one of the most provocative shows on television today. Every episode will evoke an interesting idea, or shed some new light on popular urban myths. Inevitably, each episode takes one asshole exploiting others, and nails them to the wall. After watching this show, you'll hate so many people. You really can't help it, as these morally vacuous fucks are some of the most easily hateable people on the planet. Almost always promising a better life, the people that Penn and Teller make examples of are out to fuck over the..........more
| The Nigga Y'all LOVE To Hate |
| 22/September/2004 by JAV |
Back on the Frontpage. Sup BYAT BYATrices. JAV back up in the spot to drop cold game. Rather then talking about dropping a new post in Evenflow, the greatest forum ever, i'm go for delf and just do that shit. so dont look for much rather then me bullshitting about whatever comes to mind after I finish a bowl of that Cali grizzle. Props to DK for hooking me up with the CLASSIC BBKan Feat JAV comic that will probably fuck these tables up in a major way. But stick with me here, i'ma bout to have fun wit it old skool JAVULOUS style. ..........more
| Mr. Anything, a new story |
| 22/August/2004 by Rahl |
Any fiction written under the abrokencrate.com login name Rahl is copyright © 2004 Lowell Torres. Steal my work and call it your own and you're inviting a great big ass-kicking to your ass. That and I'll hire a lawyer to sue you for all you got. Bitches. Now that that is out of the way, yep, its another story from me that approximately none of you will read. Why am I posting it here, then, you ask? Because I fricking want to! Deal with it! This, like every other story I've posted here, is not finished. ..........more
| The Love Of My Life... Part I |
| 18/July/2004 by ZeeT |
Relationships, eh? You know, Growing up, I usually viewed women as objects. I liked my porn as an adolescent, and I liked it sloppy, and I'm sure I grabbed plenty of boobs as an infant, when it would still have been considered "cute" to do so. However, as I got older and entered high school, I.. well, I viewed women as objects even more than ever, especially when I could actually get my own. Sure, I led a good life, had fun, worry free, but I always felt like something was missing. You know, a partner, a soulmate, a best friend who also gave head...........more
| For Motorcycle Decoration Only |
| 20/June/2004 by Megan |
This weekend, I learned how to ride a motorcycle. Sort of. Well, okay, actually I dropped out of the class on the morning of the third day, but at least I did learn how to ride first. I may not ride well, but at least I can ride, right? Not sure if this will make for interesting reading or not, but as I've not been able to stop crying about it for 2 hours, I figured the writing therapy might be helpful to me. I signed up for this Motorcycle Safety Class at a local community college because I've started hanging out with some..........more
| This is not the stuff of which summer blockbusters are made |
| 14/May/2004 by Erika |
Don't read this if you don't want the story spoiled. I don't see much problem with writing a discussion about the movie rife with spoilers when it's a tale that was in the public domain long before Christ was born. I commented on this quite a while ago. This is a depressing story, where the villains win, and some of the near-villains are treated like heroes. Or are at least given a pass for their hand in destroying a nation that did nothing wrong except stand in the way of the power hungry. One thing this film manages to do right is that it doesn't..........more
| Pride Fighting's Heavyweight tourney First Round Picks with JAV & Cruelty |
| 23/April/2004 by JAV |
Sup folks, your boy JAV back at the Back Porch to drop some MMA knowledge to your ever starving brains. Mega props to Cruelty for once again adding his insightfull takes. Rather than get on my soapbox & complain about how the so called "Greatest Heavyweight Tourney of all time" is on the short end as far as the 8-16 talent goes(No Josh Barnett? No Bob Sapp? No UFC reps?) i'll keep my tounge in cheek and move forward. We'll start with Cruelty's picks, and for the STOOPID HEADZ that aint figured it out yet, i'm in ITALIC FONT, he's not. Proceed...........more
| Drama |
| 17/March/2004 by Rahl |
This is a true story. Its a story about love, jealousy, revenge, and attempted murder. It's about a girl and her fiancee, and another guy who used to be with the girl but isn't anymore. It's about the incredibly stupid things some females will do all for the sake of their man. The star of this tragedy is Laurie, a 19-year-old who just finally seemed to be turning her life around. For years she had hated the fact that she dropped out of high school, ruining her dream of joining the police force. Being a cop is..........more
| Our Warrior Society |
| 27/February/2004 by Megan |
Just a warning...this is pretty deep and requires serious thought-processing as you read it in order to be able to understand it. Don't bother scrolling down if you're hammered or high or otherwise mentally disabled. I'm not even sure I did the piece justice, as it made so much more sense in my head before I tried to write it all out. I sat through an interesting class last night...we had a guest speaker, and what he had to say really gave me some good morsels of thought to chew on. I'll try to relate his submission to..........more
| Let's see what JAV and NEO talk about at 3:30 AM |
| 22/January/2004 by JAV |
javluvspie (3:22:16 AM): sup killah NE5O55 (3:22:30 AM): jav! NE5O55 (3:22:34 AM): what up homeboy javluvspie (3:22:41 AM): Chillin getting faded javluvspie (3:22:48 AM): its 330 AM yo NE5O55 (3:22:55 AM): you're getting a haircut? NE5O55 (3:22:59 AM): yeah, 4:30 here javluvspie (3:23:01 AM): hahaha NE5O55 (3:23:02 AM): i'm watching dvd's NE5O55 (3:23:09 AM): i just watched freddy vs. jason javluvspie (3:23:11 AM): nah drinking the SOL yo javluvspie (3:23:15 AM): any good? NE5O55 (3:23:20 AM): whoa, SOL! NE5O55 (3:23:25 AM): yeah, it's funny NE5O55..........more
| Three Feet Under, and other random observations |
| 31/December/2003 by Megan |
My intent was to post this at the time it was written, but due to the PMSing of the site, it's a bit overdue. Enjoy, as the first part is a true story. Sort of. So, Satan and I were talking on AIM the other night, and it came out that his bathtub was wounded in Vietnam. It's a very sad tale, actually, especially the part about how Satan had to carry his wounded bathtub back to the medic tent, and how even though the bathtub lost a foot in the skirmish, it did manage to protect 3 other soldiers in the process, making it a hero. ..........more
| A few random thoughts on shit. |
| 20/November/2003 by JAV |
Because you love the shit, que no? Sup my killahs & killahettes, ya boy JAV back to rep the Porch the only way he knows how, fresh off a freshly rolled Blunt Wrap ready to hit you with a few thoughts on life, love, & VIDEO GAMES!@!@! How the fuck ya'lls beens? right on right on, let's talk real talk. So as usual i've been lagging like fuck on The Porch, NEO is probably on some "JAV lags time to shut down shop" type shit, I cant blame him if he is. Between eorking, sleeping, partying, sleeping in from partying, & doing..........more
| Bits and pieces |
| 29/October/2003 by HBomb |
Greetings guys and gals, it’s your favourite spech from across the big pond. Tee hee, I just added spech to my computer’s dictionary. Jav will be so proud :) God, it's taken me so long to get this post up. Chalk it up to temporary brain malfunction Anyhoo I’ve got me my unlimited Internet access in my brand spanking new student house so there’s really no excuse for me not to be posting. I’ve also got a new mouse for my computer – OMG the excitement – but I can quite happily tell you that it is driving me goddamn crazy. ..........more
| Finally Finding My Dream Job |
| 24/September/2003 by XavierVE |
I have recently discovered the greatest job in the world. It is a job so great, so sublime, that few will really appreciate it's true appeal. Especially since most of us absolutely hate our jobs to begin with, this is a job so good, so sublime, that a person who could hate it should simply be locked away somewhere. The Monday before last, I'm sitting in Pizza Hut with Good Ol' PA doing the famed "double buffet stamp Monday" that should be a staple in any single guys schedule and I start looking at their crane machine. A crane machine is, for those..........more
| What It's Like to Lose Your Mom, Part II |
| 31/August/2003 by Megan |
Okay, Day Two looms before you...this was possibly the most difficult day, but in looking back, I think it seemed to go by fairly quickly. As my day had been spent with family, I had only been able to write early in the morning, and then late at night, so much of it is simply a recap of (some surprising) events. Thursday, August 7, 2003, 6:16am: It’s early in the morning and my dad’s still asleep. I heard him crying his heart out in the middle of the night. At some point today we’re supposed to go see my mother’s body, and bring..........more
| Bird and a Wire |
| 28/July/2003 by Megan |
Well, since none of you are posting anyway, I'll toss up a piece of writing for your perusal. Back in the day, Rahl had issued us a challenge to write a story, and he gave us a few parameters to consider when writing it. I filed that challenge away in my head for awhile, and finally got around to putting something on paper. I checked with Rahl, and he said he's not going to re-issue the challenge again anytime soon, so here's my submission on the main page instead. Enjoy. Chad opened the door, and immediately felt the..........more
|
